Why I decided to be more vulnerable in 2019

I have struggled with lonliness for the better part of my life. I have always been connected to my family and have been blessed with great friendships through the years. So from the outside, it would seem odd that this is an issue for me. However, the feelings of connectedness and closeness come from our friends and family responding to our vulnerability.

All. The. Cold Sweat.

I pride myself on being strong and steady. I feel ashamed to have big emotions. Just like everyone else, I want to appear to have my shiz together. I avoid the V word to the point of isolation.

Statements like if they really knew me, they would judge me or not be my friend plague me regularly.

It has been a process for me to begin to be vulnerable with my closest people beyond my husband. Somehow I have been able to be open up to him which is in part why our marraige has been very fulfilling to me. Here is what I have learned so far. Vulnerability is so much easier when you love yourself.

Think about it. When you don’t love all of you and are afraid to show people the less than stellar parts, the space between you and vulnerability is like the Grand Canyon. You will need all the courage you can get to make the leap across.

But when you love yourself, and I mean all of you, you don’t worry so much if someone else doesn’t. And when you’re less afraid of rejection, you step right into that place of openness. Vulnerability takes practice. Just like any other skill

So this year, I will practice vulnerability. One day at a time.